As the world sighs in relief that two nuclear powers did not come head to head against each other, India has welcomed a new TV show named ‘Operation Sindoor’, the codename for India’s strikes inside Pakistan and Pakistan-occupied Kashmir.

Doordarshan and JioCinema finally announced the greatest cultural weapon since “Ramayan” was aired during lockdown: a 365-episode high-octane mega-series titled Operation Sindoor: Rakta, Rasoi, Rashtravaad, starring none other than the nation’s self-declared commander-in-sanskari-chief, Kangana Ranaut. Reliance Industries Ltd has applied for an ‘entertainment’ trademark for ‘Operation Sindoor’.

The Plot: Sure to be passed by the Censor Board of India

The show begins with Colonel <Insert Muslim Woman Name> (played by Ranaut), as she steps on the podium and announces India’s operation against Pakistan, uncovering a Pakistan-sponsored, leftist-enabled, JNU-backed conspiracy to harm the National Security of Bharat. 

Each episode ends with her saying, “This sindoor is not makeup. It’s a missile target marker.”

The National Cast

Ranaut, known for her versatility in portraying women who led nations into war, has described her role as “the most challenging, since I had to read real books to pretend I work in intelligence”. The show is set to star Akshay Kumar, Vicky Kaushal, Amitabh Bachan, Adah Sharma, Pallavi Joshi, Anupam Kher, Randeep Hooda, and a host of other A-list Bollywood celebrities who have fallen in line with the ongoing ultranationalist project. 

“Former Chief of Army Staff, General Manoj Mukund Naravane, said, ‘War is not a Bollywood movie’. That’s why we made a whole TV show instead!” said Vivek Agnihotri, who will direct several episodes of the series, his first project that doesn’t end with the word ‘files’. 

Girlboss Nationalism

“This movie is for all the girlbosses out there. Why should all the boys have the fun?”, the film’s Producer, Empress Nita Ambani, said today as right-wing trolls trolled Foreign Secretary Vikram Misri’s daughter over the recently passed ceasefire. 

“Women of Bharat will be inspired by this television series to show that their opportunities to wage wars and even conduct genocides are limitless”, said Union Minister of Women and Child Development, Annpurna Devi. Meanwhile, Himanshi Narwal, the widow of a naval officer killed in Pahalgam, faced online harassment after calling for peace and communal harmony. 

This truly encapsulates Akhand Bharat’s feminist approach, encouraging women to be ruthless when it comes to letting chauvinistic Hindutva men troll a Kashmiri Pandit lawyer and survivors of a terrorist attack, while gushing over the tokenistic representation of Muslim women. 

Naya Kashmir Cinematic Backdrop

The TV show is planned to be shot on site in Kashmir to prove that Normalcy is indeed back and Kashmir continues to be Heaven on Earth, so that Indian tourists can continue visiting an ongoing conflict zone that is the highest militarised region on Earth. 

“We wanted to show another side of Kashmir—the beautiful one”, Director Agnihotri, who has a deep knowledge of Kashmiri culture after his previous ‘Kashmir Files’ movie, said here earlier today, “The whole military-industrial complex, barbed wires, torture, interrogation and state excesses? Those we’ll leave for off-screen visuals”. 

Merchandise Line-Up

• Sindoor-e-Missile: A red liquid lipstick in a BRAHMOS missile-shaped tube
• Prestige Patriot Pressure Cooker: Camo-print pressure cooker with automated whistle that sounds like an air-siren followed by ‘Pakistan Murdabad’
• Shakti Rakhi: Glows red when someone says “anti-national” within a 5km radius
• Saffron Scented Candle: Smells like vengeance and sandalwood

Big Plans

Doordarshan officials say the show will help “awaken the sanskaar in the new generation who have forgotten how to obey blindly.” The TV show is set to replace the first three periods of every class from grade 6-8 because, anyway, history today in India is learnt through Bollywood, and editing out history textbooks to promote Hindutva is too tiresome. 

It is also unsurprising to see the National Broadcaster supporting the making of this incredible series, given their recent saffron logo makeover and airing the Islamophobic The Kerala Story movie on national primetime television.

Meanwhile, JioCinema has announced that watching the show will be free for users who pass a small deshbhakti quiz featuring questions like:

Q: Who is the greatest Indian freedom fighter?
A) Savarkar
B) Also Savarkar
C) Still Savarkar
D) Who else?

Critics say… Nothing. They’ve all been booked under the UAPA.

Coming Soon

After Operation Sindoor, the network is rumored to launch Bigg Lok Sabha, where politicians are locked in a house and must pass bills without leaving. Until then, stay tuned, stay saffroned, and remember: “When in doubt, launch a serial. When in crisis, launch a war-themed serial.”

Jai Entertainment. Jai Propaganda. Jai Ranaut.